Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
