There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
