I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
