He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
