I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
