im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
