I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
