the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
