She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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