i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
