you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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