I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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