3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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