I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
soo... how was my night?
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