I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
