I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
