whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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