The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
