Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
