ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
