I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
