Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
