Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
