How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
