At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
