You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
