I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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