cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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