Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
