I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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