it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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