He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
