the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
