idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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