i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
