im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
