I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
