my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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