Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
my poor anus
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
