Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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