I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
