my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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