who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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