I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
