youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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