Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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