Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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