He is an equal opportunity slut.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
