please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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