if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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