Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize
