I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
